Opinion: A satirical stance on social media challenges

My generation has seen its fair share of odd internet challenges, the gallon milk challenge, the cinnamon challenge, chubby bunny, and most recently the Tide Pod challenge. I believe this is one of the bad effects of social media; the drive to want to become viral and have the entire country, if not the entire world, know your name for something. This could also be caused by our drive to want to entertain a large amount of people, and create a following of people who are constantly checking their Twitter feeds, Facebook timelines, or Youtube channels, to see what hilarious gag you’re doing now.

THE FOLLOWING IS A SATIRICAL PIECE. THE CHALLENGES ARE NOT RECOMMENDED TO EVER TRY. SERIOUSLY. NEVER. TRY. THESE.

In the era of Tide Pod dinners along with other bizarre and dangerous challenges, I think it is time that we up the ante. Darwinism has been vital to the survival of this world since the very beginning, from the Galapagos to the Siberian wilderness, species have had to fight or flee for their survival and evolve to become the best of the best. If you didn’t you died.

Darwinism has its place in human society just as it does in the “animal” kingdom. We have seen species die because they could not conquer the human species, and we have died ourselves because we could not conquer other civilizations.

What I propose are the following challenges to thin out the heard a little.

“Windex, or Water?”

The rules are simple, get some clear Windex and pour it into a glass that is identical to a glass of water. You then have a friend, who didn’t see the initial pour, take one and you take the other. You both must finish your glass. The winner is the one who finishes their entire glass and proclaims what they drank the quickest.

“Papercut or stabbing?”

This one could be self explanatory, but simply have a close friend give you a paper cut and then stab you with whatever sharp object you have laying around, then you must guess which was the stabbing and which was the papercut.

“Sun Stare Down”

See who among your friend group has the strongest eyes. Gather in a shadeless place and stare directly at the sun. The winner is the one who can stare the longest.

This next one is the ultimate challenge, I doubt any of you would ever try this.

“Staying Alive”

Don’t kill each other. Be respectful. Be kind and courteous, show compassion for your fellow human, treat them with the dignity they deserve and thrive in your life. It is vital to the ultimate survival of us as a nation, and us as humans, to come together to create a world where we all may live. No matter your creed, sexual orientation, gender, socioeconomic standing, or where you come from. These things do not matter- they should not matter. We are all of the same planet, the same species, and our earliest ancestors did not overcome the adversity of the wild plains only to have us crushed by laundry soap.

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