Step into voting booth and ask, “What would Snooki do?” By Nevin Cornwell

I have asked a lot of people this election season if they are going to vote and I was surprised and pleased to hear so many firm no’s. Responses like “I’m too busy,” “I’m just so lazy,” and my personal favorite, “I’m just so fed up with the system.” Dang man, fed up already and you’re not even 20; I bet you have trouble committing to watching an entire episode of “Family Guy.”

Here is a little fact that no one is telling you; America doesn’t want or need your vote. I would rather see 1 percent of America be informed voters than 99 percent vote just because they are able. You are legally allowed to vote. Who cares right? I mean, do we really even need the 15th and 19th Amendments?

According to CIRCLE (The Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement), which has the easiest acronym to remember ever, between 51 and 53 percent of 18-29 year-olds voted in 2008. With four extra years of “Jersey Shore” reunions, “Honey Boo-Boo” marathons, and “16 and Pregnant” finales, I bet we could get that number down to 40 percent. Keep ripping the bong and making your informed decisions based on Mad Magazine cartoons, I’m pretty sure that it’s working.

Fun fact; in 2008, 70 percent of 18-29 year-old voters had attended some college. Higher education obviously makes you part of the political agenda, or maybe it just helps motivate you to take a break from ultimate Frisbee long enough to do your civic duty. Dear educated reader, I’m sure your lips are starting to tire from sounding out all these words, but try to find the strength to keep reading.

A good reason not to vote: both candidates suck, bro. I couldn’t agree more, and although an ostrich burying its head in the sand might not avoid getting killed by the lion, don’t you think it’s happier not knowing its about to die? If you think both candidates are no good, I’m absolutely positive that the results of this election could not affect you in any way, ever, period.

Tired of all those awful campaign ads that started in Iowa last December gearing up for the caucus? Ever try turning the TV off for, oh, five minutes and give your tired brain a rest? And miss the segment of “Pawn Stars,” you’re out of your damned mind if you think that’s happening! Plus I heard Jimmy Kimmel is going to make a great fart joke on tonight’s episode.

Democracy is expensive. According to Center for Responsive Politics over 6 billion dollars will be spent for the 2012 campaign season. At Snooki’s current pay rate that is 40,000 episodes of ”Jersey Shore;” which one is a better investment? I better think on that. What about all the jobs created making all the TV advertisements, campaign mailings, voter registration lobbying? Can volunteer campaigners file for unemployment on Wednesday morning? If Obama wins, maybe.

Why spend all the money, all the time, and all the effort of going to the polls? Your vote doesn’t mean anything, and the less educated, MTV watching goons that vote the easier it is for my vote to be heard. Is America headed in the right direction? I’m just so fed up with the system.

 

 

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